Do you all remember Bill Bellamy on How To Be A Player? that used to come on VH1 back in the days?
Comedian and actor Bill Bellamy stopped at The Breakfast Club reminiscing on moments with the late Kobe Bryant, family life, podcasting, and more.
During the 46-minute plus conversation, the 57-year-old made an interesting comment on raising kids of the opposite sex.
He said that the pandemic really taught him who his kids really were. “My kids play me one way and play my wife another way, he said.
The father of two added, “I’m like James Evans (Good Times) trapped inside of trying to be a little more like the new wave dad. But I can’t go from the old school ’cause that’s how I was raised.”
Bellamy also touched on what he believes to be a difference between fathering a son versus a daughter. “Y’all learn how to move early and y’all know to manipulate but not in a mean way,” he said.
He gave an example of how his daughter smooth-talked him into getting the latest iPhone model. “Daddy, I really think it’s time for me to have a phone. And here’s the thing, all of my friends communicate with it and it would be a wonderful way [for] me to communicate with my friends. So I need the iPhone 9, or whatever it was.”
“I think the best experience is having a daughter, for a guy. I think it’s something wonderful about what it teaches us. With your son, you’re always going to be on some ‘man,'” he said.
“What I love about being the father of a daughter is you learn your emotions differently. ‘Cause you ain’t gone ever be that way with your son. Like there’s certain moves you do with your son and its this way. But with your daughter, they force you to deal with your feelings.”
Another interesting tidbit the actor touched on was infidelity in a relationship and having side pieces.
“Men don’t know their feelings, they learn them. Dudes don’t really know how they care, or if they really care like that. The moment [teaches] you,” Bellamy explained.
“Even if you break up with your girl, right? There’s always one person more in love than the other, right?”
Let’s Talk About Active Fathers
Bill Bellamy made some good points and like any opinion or tale of wisdom, there are things we can take away. As a Black man raised in a two-parent household, I’m the youngest of three kids. With an older brother followed by a sister, I understood the comedian’s comments on raising kids of different sexes.
My brother was the more responsible sibling who did everything “first.” My sister was a princess to our father but she bickered the most with our mother. The love was always there, but you could see how each parent “parented” the three of us differently.
Not everyone is afforded an active and vulnerable father. However, since I did have one, my father’s emotions appropriated situations. There was a time I didn’t play after the first half of a football game. I was annoyed with our coach due to my efforts in practice. I teared up following our loss. My dad catered to my emotions saying,
“Look, you’re allowed to feel but don’t stay there. You didn’t get what you want. You didn’t get what you thought you deserved. How do you want to solve it? What kind of bridge do you want to make so you can work to get over it?”
Now, About These Relationships And Side Pieces
I had a friend once who said,
“I only want to date someone who likes me more because it gives me security. Somebody in a relationship always likes one more than the other.”
When he said that my mental response was, “Wouldn’t that give you more control over the relationship because you care the least?”
I understood it, in theory. However, my parents have been married 45 plus years which means I received a lot of advice. My dad used to tell me,
“Love and relationships go in cycles, son. Give yourself room to like and dislike your mate but love them enough to go back to them if they bring you peace and stability.”
When I asked him if he felt that he liked my mother more than my mother liked him, he responded,
“I love your mother every day. I don’t always like here and I’m sure she feels the same way about me. I found someone who didn’t mind putting up with the kind of man I am. I don’t care which one us likes the other person more, or not. You see we still married and kicking, don’t you son?”
As far as side pieces, I didn’t grow up seeing infidelity in my parents’ relationship, so I never developed the interest in stepping outside of a commitment. I have married friends who have actively cheated on their spouses. I learned from each of them that their reason for cheating was because of what their partner wouldn’t do to better the relationship. In other words, they got complacent with no interest in growth.
Comment below and tell us what you think about Bellamy’s comments for our “Agreee or Indifferent?”